2011/365/097: Suicide at 14

SUICIDE HOTLINE: 800-273-8255

Earlier this week, a 14-year-old boy, active in his Christian middle school in my community (he was reportedly the student government president), took his own life. I do not know any of the details of this horrible tragedy. What I do know is that middle school children (and, tragically, even those younger in elementary school) are not immune to depression, anxiety, and even suicide.

Folks, there is no textbook case. Take any group of teens, and you will not be able to identify those who are suffering from depression or anxiety. While some individuals are very open with their struggles in managing their mental illness, just as many are masters at masking the indicators — sometimes, right up to the moment they decide to take their own life.

No child is immune. No threat should be ignored. No assumptions should be made that a child has “got it together” or can handle the pressures. In fact, most teens think that, to make it into their college of choice, they have to go above and beyond any and every expectation to receive that coveted acceptance letter. They’ll do anything to be the best — drugs (including prescription meds for ADHD), alcohol, or cheating.

Granted, many colleges are now beginning to tone down the unrealistic expectations, but the word is slow trickling down to the high schools (and now necessarily the middle schools). The new battle teens face is having their application rise above the sea of applicants, especially now that most seniors are applying to 6, 10, and even 15 schools.

I went to the website of this Christian school (and it is very well respected in our community), and I was glad to see that they had posted information on their middle school page about coping with death and the loss of a friend or fellow student (including good questions and answers that will help many families). For this situation, the members of this community will rely on such information. But we cannot hide the dangers. We cannot pretend that this doesn’t happen at our school or our church.

It does. Every single day.

We need to be aware. We need to educate ourselves, our children, our schools, and our communities about how common these anxieties are and how common depression is among our teens — yes, common for 14, 15, and 16 year-old teens.

I share these common statistics with you from Save.org.  Educate others. Make them aware that we need to listen to our children, we need to be attentive to their anxieties and triggers, and we need to work with our schools, our churches, and our families and neighbors to help see our kids through these challenging times. If you are in need, or if you know somebody in need, do not hesitate to call the help line (above). Remember: You Are Never Alone. You Are Loved.

Suicide Facts

• Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year.
  Many who attempt suicide never seek professional care.
  There are twice as many deaths due to suicide than HIV/AIDS.
  Between 1952 and 1995, suicide in young adults nearly tripled.
  Over half of all suicides occur in adult men, ages 25-65.
  In the month prior to their suicide, 75% of elderly persons had visited a physician.
  Suicide rates in the United States are highest in the spring.
  Over half of all suicides are completed with a firearm.
  For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death.
  Suicide rates among the elderly are highest for those who are divorced or widowed.
  80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully.
  15% of those who are clinically depressed die by suicide.
  There are an estimated 8 to 25 attempted suicides to 1 completion.
  The highest suicide rate is among men over 85 years old: 65 per 100,000 persons.
  1 in 65,000 children ages 10 to 14 commit suicide each year.
  Substance abuse is a risk factor for suicide.
  The strongest risk factor for suicide is depression.
  By 2010, depression will be the #1 disability in the world. (World Health Organization)
  In 2004, 32,439 people died by suicide. (CDC)
  Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. (homicide is 15th). (CDC)
  Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15- to 24-year-old Americans. (CDC)
  It is estimated that there are at least 4.5 million survivors in this country. (AAS)
  An average of one person dies by suicide every 16.2 minutes. (CDC, AAS)
  There are four male suicides for every female suicide. (CDC, AAS)
  Research has shown medications and therapy to be effective suicide prevention.
  Suicide can be prevented through education and public awareness.
  Last year SAVE educated 10,618 youth & parents on depression and suicide prevention.
  Last year SAVE received 810 requests for information from 72 countries.
  In 2004 it is estimated there were 811,000 suicide attempts in the US. (AAS)
  There are three female suicide attempts for each male attempt. (CDC, AAS)
  According to the Violent Death Reporting System, in 2004 73% of suicides also tested positive for at least one substance (alcohol, cocaine, heroin or marijuana).

2011/365/096: Listening to Dillard

Many highlights to this day (there always is when I’m teaching at Towson), but the surprise highlight has to be listening to Annie Dillard’s Pilgrim At Tinker Creek, as read by Tavia Gilbert. I’ve had this book on my iPod for some time now, but today was the first day that I really listened to it.

I read it years ago when my mother got me a copy for my birthday (ah, those wonderful days in Grad School at Goucher…LOVED the literature I was reading then…). And although I really appreciated the way Dillard worked the words to flow as natural as some of the streams she was writing about, I could not appreciate the way they sounded–until today.

Tavia Gilbert does a wonderful job bringing Dillard’s essays to life.

I know you cannot hear this, but even reading this excerpt gives you a sampling of Dillard’s gift for poetic nonfiction:

The creek is the mediator, benevolent, impartial, subsuming my shabbiest evils and dissolving them, transforming them into live moles, and shiners, and sycamore leaves. It is a place even my faithlessness hasn’t offended; it still flashes for me, now and tomorrow, that intricate, innocent face. It waters an unserving world, saturating cells with lodes of light.

The rhythm, flowing with a lovely dose of alliteration, blend perfectly to mesmerize the most stubborn reader.

I am always thrilled by what I can learn by reading and listening, how the lessons help me become a better writer and communicator with my target audience, without sacrificing my own voice in my writing. Stephen King has said on numerous occasions that you can’t be a writer if you don’t read. The two are inseparable.

I think making the time to read more (stop that laughing) is a critical need for us to stave off the ills of technology, to thwart the dumbing down of the depths of our thinking. Reading forces us to slow down, practice patience, and contemplate our own connections and revelations as we turn each page.

I would love to know what you are reading right now. What does your latest book make you remember?

2011/365/095: Three Quick Thoughts

Three quick thoughts for the night:

1. Today, the Baltimore Sun reported that Maryland Casinos took in a revenue of over $13 million in the month of March. In 2008, Governor O’Malley stated that the Casinos would primarily cover the needs of our schools (i.e., the money would go toward education).

Hey–Didn’t the state report last month that they needed $12 million to cover the needs in our classrooms, thus justifying the budget cuts, larger class sizes, and surplussed teachers? Phew! Glad that’s taken care of, with $1 million to spare.

Uh, right?

2. I spent over a year putting off the final revision of Cold Rock. When I made the decision on Friday to just sit down and face it head on, I not only completed the revision, but I created an alternate ending that may (may may may) make the ending better. That would have never been possible had I not taken the risk to jump in and just write. You would think that I would take my own advice every now and then. The truth is, though, that I write all the time about how hard writing is, simply because it is hard.

So what, though….right? Everything is hard. We need to push on anyway to see what awaits on the other side. Almost every time, I’m pleasantly surprised and grateful that I did so.

3. Killing our TV last month has been the best thing for our kids and for our family. We spend hours together every night now, and I don’t remember when we’ve had more laughter in the house. Our kids are reading again (and to each other, which is an even greater bonus), and we’re reopening doors to talk about the deeper things that aren’t necessarily accessible when they’re dipping in and out of the TV Dumb Zone. We’re saving over $100 a month by doing this, but really–the benefits are so much bigger (and priceless) when it comes to how our family is bonding.

Our kids are not lost just yet. We just need to make the opportunities for face-to-face time. When we’re competing with iPods, cell phones, and the media, it’s an ongoing war to keep our kids in touch with what’s most important.

2011/365/094: The Orioles are 4–0!!!

Just a few hours ago, the Orioles completed their home opener of the season, where they kept their formula alive of outstanding starting pitching, stellar defense, and clutch hitting. Throw in a couple of 3-run homers by Old Man Roberts on the team, and you’ve got a perfect record that is absolutely no fluke.

We have not experienced such a strong start since 1997, when we went wire to wire in first place, only to lose in the playoffs (we were the favorites to win the series that year).

No comparisons, of course. At least, not directly. But we have not had a leader like Showalter since Davey Johnson led the ’97 Orioles. Showalter seems wiser than Davey; he’s shoots a little more strategically from the hip, and he’s got a sense of humor that softens the stern  confidence he brings to (and expects from) his ballplayers.

I’m excited for this year for so many reasons, but I think the one that keeps rising to the top is the experience Braeden and I will have this summer at the ballpark, enjoying the games together, just like my Dad and I did when I was Braeden’s age.

It’s these traditions that we pass on to our children that transcend everything else. They run deep with meaning, legacy, significance that only a father and son, mother and daughter can ever understand.

Perhaps, too, our children will not yet understand the significance. But they will, years later, when they have the opportunity to pass down the traditions that our fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, passed down to us.

2011/365/092: Writing Progress

Yesterday, after meeting with a fellow writer, I made the decision to just push through with Cold Rock and write/edit until it is done. Today, despite the various needs with the family (and working out this morning, which I was pleased that I did not compromise my health to write more), I was able to edit 87 pages (thus far), with at least another hour or so tonight to dedicate to the manuscript. My goal is to get up a little after 4 a.m. on Sunday and focus on the climax of the story, which needs the most work.

Here’s what I take from today: Sometimes, you just have to stop the talking and the thinking and dive in. Put yourself in front of the words and just work. Revise, Write, Rewrite, and Write some more.

Just keep working. Make it a priority. Schedule the time.

I’m done with excuses.

2011/365/091: Busy as a. . . .

photo: rus vanwestervelt

. . . .full-time writer. (what–did you think I was going to say….Bee?)

I had a great conversation today with a good friend and fellow writer, Corey. In just the two hours or so that we talked about the art and craft of writing, I realized that I have to move some stuff off the shelf and get it out there. Now.

I’ve got two complete novels written and polished, and a third that I am in the middle of drafting. I’ve “published” some of my shorter pieces online on this website, but the majority of my polished work remains uncirculated.

I’m done making excuses or complaining that I don’t have the time. I’m getting these works out there so I can move on to new projects.

Stay tuned. This is a topic that I am going to be blogging about a great deal in the next few weeks.

2011/365/090: Three Months

Well, it’s been three months since I started blogging daily here, and I’ve been pretty surprised at the discoveries I’ve made along the way.

First, writing daily really does contribute to living a more balanced life. In addition to the 500 or so words I’ve been writing here every day, I write my “morning pages” when I wake up. These cleanse the residual emotions from the previous day and give me a clean slate to begin anew. This constant writing has made a huge difference in providing clarity in my thinking and sharpening my focus on what’s most important to me.

Second, I have tried various approaches to the daily blog post, mixing it up with features on certain days every now and then. And, I’ve tried my best to not string together a series of deep or somewhat somber posts. In thinking of this site as a daily column (at times), I want my readers to keep coming back wondering what might be the topic du jour.

Third, writing daily has really helped me understand what’s most important in my life, simply because I have had to face certain subjects head-on. I have not been able to avoid the tough things, like the death of a firefighter or the ever-mounting struggles I see my students facing every day. By writing about these events when the emotions are still strong within me, I have no choice but to make some decisions about how I feel about them and what I might do with those emotions.

I have no plans on halting the daily posts. They may change in format as we approach the summer months, but that’s all part of writing authentically–it’s a constant evolution and discovery that is both fascinating and terrifying at the same time.

Thanks for following along, folks, and dropping a comment or two along the way. Here’s to the next three months, and all that they may bring…

as always……………..rvw

2011/365/089: Moving Hoops

Earlier tonight, in my EDUC 301 class at Towson U, two of my student-colleagues presented their I-search journeys with the rest of the class. Both were outstanding models for the others to follow. What made them especially interesting were their links to teaching, the arts, and fulfilling someone’s definition of “success.” We were asked to rate ourselves (scale of 1 to 10) on how successful we felt our lives were. The good news is that nobody said 0–3, but nobody said 9 or 10, either. Clearly, as our presenter pointed out, we were all in the midst of a pretty enduring journey.

Even earlier in the day, one of my high school students got the bad news that she was not accepted into the school of her choice, despite playing all the right games, getting all the good grades, and jumping through all of the right hoops.

Her reward for tirelessly spending her high school life working 20 hours a day, week after week, month after month on all the things that exceptional college candidates do?

DECLINED.

In the end, she feels, none of it really mattered at all. I’m sure that, if she were to rate how “successful” her life was at this moment, she wouldn’t necessarily be debating the finer differences between an 8 and a 9 rating.

My heart breaks for her, as she made a decision long ago to play the game and do what she thought the colleges wanted her to do. What she’s realizing now is that it might just be better to go through life doing fewer things better, and let the college acceptances and full-ride scholarships fall where they may.

The same can be said for all those writers out there who are going through all of those hoops, attending those conferences, sending their neatly creased SASEs in the mail with their crisp manuscripts on eggshell-white 68-pound paper. They spend so much time writing by the rules and editing to someone else’s specifications that they forget about who they are as a writer, a person, a voice that is supposed to be unique and stand out as something no one else could ever possibly do.

They go through all those hoops, and maybe they get lucky every now and then. But chances are good that they’ve gone so far trying to please anonymous editors that the muse has long since left them.

Very sad.

My colleagues tonight did a good job in reminding us that we are who we believe we are. We cannot be wooed by the moving hoops that tell us who we should be or how we should act.

Just write, and I promise you–the rest of it will all fall neatly in place in time.

2011/365/088: Walkin’ Man

There’s a quote by Henry David Thoreau that has been in my head these past few days (actually, there’s been a lot of his words with me lately). Thoreau wrote, “Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence.”

In my younger years, I had experienced this transcendence on several occasions, mostly when I was hiking along the Appalachian Trail or spending time in Assateague. Lately, I’ve begun to experience that same transcendence (well, shades of it, anyway), where my walks around Towson are shifting from a tough exercise to a mindful saunter.

I think the key to Thoreau’s quote lies first in the word, “pursue.” We all know how tough any walk can be, either literal or figurative, when we resist or even fight what we are trying to do. Too often, we are fighting against ourselves, and this can be a dangerous thing when we have no line of defense to fight it.

Enter the second part of Thoreau’s quote, where he suggests we walk “with love and reverence.” These two defenses will pull you through any resistance or fight, as long as they are genuine and authentic. If the walk is in good faith, then love and reverence will pull you through every single time.

I struggle with this every day, especially now that I am fully immersed in this diet/exercise transformation. It is almost as if a part of me is afraid of the success I am beginning to experience, and it is doing its best to lure me away from all that is healthy, good, and right.

I will keep Love and Reverence close to me at all times along this path I pursue, and I know that great things are possible with such focus. Yes–It is a very narrow path, and there are unexpected twists and turns that tempt and test me along the way, but the steps I take are genuine.

May you find your path or keep walkin’ along at your natural pace, and enjoy the enlightenment that each step may bring you!