Well, I did it again, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Not only did I leave Facebook and Twitter, I stopped my usual rounds of catching up on the latest football news, rankings, and predictions on the local news sites, not to mention ESPN, SI, Foxsports, and other national sports sites.

Finally, I feel like I can breathe again.

Not that I don’t miss chatting with my closer friends on Facebook, I do. But I imagine that, in the coming days and weeks (and it’s already started to happen with some friends), I will be finding other ways to catch up with them.

You know. In person. Face to face. Real time.

I don’t knock the social networks. They serve a purpose that can be both fun and meaningful for all kinds of relationships. But I know that, for me to be fully present for my family and still focus on my writing and photography, something had to give.

Already, I am writing more (I am here as well, which says a lot), my focus is better when spending time with others, and I am not glued to my phone or my computer.

None of these are any surprise to me. This is my third or fourth separation from Facebook, and each time I experience the same bliss.

Why even go back, then? Why return to the social-media time suckers that compromise the very things that bring me the greatest joy and allow me to live a most-balanced life?

I have no idea.

Maybe this time I won’t. I know that my book sales might suffer, and I might not have as many people see some of the photos that I have taken. As well, I know such a move goes against every marketing strategy that’s been devised in the last three years for artists who are trying to launch some kind of name for him or herself.

But my time with my family is too valuable to sacrifice for social networking and trying to “make it” as a writer and artist. I write and I take photos because it is in me; it is a part of who I am, and I cannot stop it any faster than I can stop breathing (thanks, Lacey, for that so many years ago). What is NOT a part of me is the whole selling of my work and playing some kind of game that gets me running with the creative consultants and gurus of the craft. Not when it comes at the cost of sacrificing time with my wife and children.

God bless the social gurus and network marketers. We need them, and they help so many undo the myriad blocks that have kept thousands and thousands from living a more creative, inspired life. I have family members and friends who are burning incredible new virtual paths in the connections they are making. These people are changing lives, and we are better off for their tireless energy and spirit.

Me, though? I need to do that networking at a distance. I will let my words and my images speak for me, and I will never turn down an invitation to converse about the things we love. But I cannot sell you me using social media as a device to further my passions. I just can’t.

So, you’ll see me around here more frequently. I’m still writing for Write Anything, I’m still working hard with my creative partner Cara Moulds at Cool Blue Souls on our daily Smash365 prompts and book reading club, and I’m wrapping up my book Cold Rock for release before the end of the year. I am looking for new venues for my photography, and I have a full line of competitions and deadlines for shorter writing submissions that I’m sending out on a biweekly basis. All of this is possible with the focus that is returning, thanks to my break-up with social media.

I’ll see you here and other places online and in print as well, but most importantly, I’d like to see you in person. Let’s hold on to the very things we should never stop cherishing: the embracing of life’s fragility, hand in hand, as we go along our way.

There’s a particular scene in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix where Dolores Umbridge takes over as High Inquisitor at Hogwarts. In a flurry of images depicting rules and restrictions being created and enforced, Argus Filch stands atop an old, rickety ladder and pounds proclamation statements into the school’s storied walls. Most noted in this montage are Educational Decrees 24 (“No music is to be played during study hall”), 30 (“All Weasley products will be banned immediately”), and 45 (“Proper dress and decorum to be maintained at all times”). The climax in this relatively short scene is when Umbridge is dismissing Professor Trelawney from Hogwarts, and Dumbledore challenges her on the dismissal.

Prof. Trelawney: For sixteen years I’ve lived and taught here. Hogwarts is my home. You can’t do this.

Umbridge: Actually, I can.

(Professor McGonagall enters to comfort Prof. Trelawney, and after a brief exchange with Umbridge, they are all joined by Dumbledore.)

Dumbledore: Professor McGonagall, might I ask you to escort Sybil back inside?

Umbridge: Dumbledore, may I remind you that under the terms of Educational Decree no. 23, as enacted by the Minister–

Dumbledore: You have the right to dismiss my teachers. You do not, however, have the authority to banish them from the grounds. That power remains with the Headmaster.

Umbridge (after a long pause): For now.

As much as this scene in the movie represents the ridiculous power that Umbridge has been given (and misuses) at Hogwarts, Umbridge herself is a strong  representation of the equally ridiculous misuse of power right in our own communities.

Don’t see it? It’s everywhere, and once you begin to notice it happening in one part of your life, you suddenly recognize it in nearly every other aspect, too.

Not that this is anything new. It’s not. These demonstrations of the misuse of power accompanied by subtle-to-blatant intimidation (fought aggressively in our schools today and labeled as bullying) can be traced back (even just in the United States) to the days of colonization. Even 150 years ago, Native Americans were bullied into acculturation as we stripped them of their customs, rights, and freedoms. We forbade them to speak their native language, and families were separated as children were put in “civilization” schools. We created rules, regulations, and proclamations to steer them in a specific direction, solely for the purposes of our own benefits and desires.

It makes me wonder if this is in our blood, in our nature, in our internal drive to dominate, manipulate, and control any situation that we possibly can. It’s as if all common sense, all sensitivity toward other human beings, is shelved until a more selfish pursuit is fulfilled.

Why is this such an issue today? The dangerous mixture of this desire for power and a post-9/11 society hell-bent on creating controlled, positive experiences is threatening the mental wellness of every child in our society.

A Rule Is A Rule

Long before terrorists crashed airplanes into buildings and changed our lives forever, my terminally ill father-in-law was given 30 days to move out of the house he had been renting for over a decade. My wife and I were moving bags of trash to the curb for pick-up, and a woman in her mid-twenties, well into her third trimester of pregnancy, stopped her car and approached us. As we had put out a few lamps, I thought she was interested in taking them. When I greeted her and explained what had happened, she pulled out a camera and started taking pictures.

“I’m not interested in that. I’m the president of the Community Association, and I am documenting this direct violation of the Association’s contract with your father-in-law regarding trash disposal before 6 p.m.”

Any assistance offered, at least in the kindness of others because of her pregnancy? Any question about why the landlord would do this? Any effort to understand? None. In many small organizations like Community Associations, where people act more like dictatorial mayors than helpful and supportive neighbors, the entire purpose of the organization is lost in battles that border the ridiculous. Tell me, why does it really matter if the color I want to paint my front door is two shades lighter than your Association-approved chartreuse? Can’t we just say the paint faded years ago and move on to other, bigger issues? You know, like how many swings to place in the community playground? (Oh wait– I forgot. The Association deemed them too harmful in all ways to include in the playground blueprints.)

I remember thinking how detached from reality the whole experience seemed. I was glad that I was not part of that Association, and I vowed on that day to steer clear of such groups. I did not want my life dictated by such power-hungry individuals who had lost sight of what it meant to be human, to be bigger than a bunch of black-white rules that blocked all conventions of common sense.

I Don’t Like Your Tone

I failed in my attempts to steer clear. It becomes inevitable, I guess, when you have kids. Most recently, I have found myself in the middle of an organization that is more Umbridge-like than any other I have experienced. Within this organization, I am supposed to sign a contract that notes, among other things, zero tolerance toward personal expression. In the section titled, “Contract Termination,” I must agree to a statement (written in first person, oddly enough) that I have paraphrased here:

We understand that if there is ever a time that we cannot be a positive force to this organization, we will forfeit our place in this group immediately.

This clause was exercised earlier this year when one community family expressed concern about the organization’s direction. Because they did not exude a “positive force” in the community, they were blackballed in unprecedented fashion from all end-of-the-year festivities.

In other words, if you express anything but positivity about the organization, you will be punished severely. And that’s a proclamation you can bet on, ladies and gentlemen.

Is the Pursuit of Positivity Pushing Us Over the Edge?

In the July/August ’11 issue of The Atlantic, Lori Gottlieb explores the dangers of enveloping our younger generations with purely positive and supportive comments and opportunities (the front-cover headline, “How the Cult of Self-Esteem Is Ruining Our Kids,” is just as attractive as the article’s title, “How To Land Your Kid In Therapy”). She interviews a Swarthmore College professor of social theory, Barry Schwartz, who takes a big risk in proclaiming that creating an insulated, 24/7 Happy World for our children can lead to a very unhappy adult life. “Happiness as a byproduct of living your life is a great thing. But happiness as a goal is a recipe for disaster.” Gottlieb then poses the ultimate question: “Could it be that by protecting our kids from unhappiness as children, we’re depriving them of happiness as adults?”

The Point

I’ve said this for years now. The Post-9/11 mentality of most parents is, understandably so, one grounded in protection and security. We can no longer push our kids out the front door and tell them dinner will be ready when the porch light goes on (You better be back in this house 5 minutes later with hands washed and at the dinner table, mister!). We’ve felt guilty about this, as our childhoods were filled with adventures in exploration, experience, success, and failure. We took risks that our parents never even knew about (nor would they ever, we swore up and down). Our kids don’t have that necessarily, and we fill this need to fill that time with controlled experiences. We choose events and activities where our children will succeed, where they will experience happiness (or so we believe), and we will sacrifice nearly anything and everything to provide them with such opportunities.

In essence, we’re doing the very thing that I absolutely loathe about the above-mentioned Associations and Organizations. We are constructing guilt-freeing Truman Shows for our kids, controlling the outcome of every “risk” they might take.

I can’t do this. I can’t hold my tongue in fear of popping this happiness bubble that we’ve created with sharp words that might offend in this fragile time. Thoreau wrote many years ago, “Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.” We need to return to this toughness. We need to stop worrying about our kids’ happiness being derailed by anything that’s missing a soaring rainbow or happy heart.

Those of you who know me might see this as a deviation from my positive approach to living life. Please don’t misunderstand me. I believe in living your life fully and authentically. Thoreau also said that we must corner life and experience it fully–it’s greatness as much as its meanness. We, as parents, cannot remove that truth from a life lived authentically. As Schwartz said in The Atlantic article, happiness should be a byproduct of living genuinely, and not the ultimate goal.

It’s been awhile, of course. I thank you for returning.

Even with all of the extra responsibilities at school with being class co-sponsor, I’ve still managed to make the time to read a book a week and get my first novel revamped for a new round of reads. Now, for those who have traveled with me for more than 10 years, you know the frustration I’ve experienced with this book. But I had to dive back in. I had to refresh it and just get it back out there.

I’m doing that with all of my writing, and that’s what brings me back here.

I need this. I can’t abandon my blog writing anymore than I can abandon breathing. There are several “non-negotiables” in my effort to achieve a healthy balance, and writing here is one of them.

I also need to build a community of readers and writers. If you stop by, tell me where you are writing these days, and I’ll be sure to stop by frequently, and with comments.

For those of you who have stuck with me, during all the trials and tribs, I thank you.

Onward, now. This is the fun stuff, sweetheart. This is where it really begins to get interesting…

I came across three incidents yesterday that, for each, lasted no more than 15 seconds. In that brief time, my overactive muse created scenarios of each of those incidents. What follows are the three things I saw and the stories that my muse spun almost instantly. Which do you think has the most potential for a longer story? If I get more than 10 votes for any one of them, I’ll develop it fully and post it here before the end of the month….

1. 6:57 a.m. After I drop off Holland at the gym for her morning practice, I head home along the back roads through Lutherville to Towson, when I see three girls walking along the road, toward me in the oncoming lane.

The sleepover had not gone as they had planned, not by a long shot. When Kristin and the others decided yesterday afternoon to invite Ryanne and her friend from Roland Park, Elyse, they knew the night would not be a typical movies-till-3 a.m. event. Ryanne and Elyse always pushed the party beyond the typical teen boundaries. Sometimes they brought a flask of Southern Comfort to share, and other nights they brought along a few other “guests” who would wait in the woods until after Kristin’s parents were asleep. But now, as they walked in silence along Ridgely Avenue, the rising sun stealing what little edge there was to the early chill, each wondered if Ryanne and Elyse would ever be seen again–dead or alive.

2. 5:23 p.m. On our way to Cafe Hon (but still in our own neighborhood), we see a tall, 20-something gentleman running at a fast pace through the gates of Goucher College’s campus, across our street, and along the sidewalks until he reaches Goucher Boulevard. He stops, looks behind him, and rests his hands on his knees to catch his breath. It seems like he has been running for some time.

Seth glanced over his shoulder as he took a moment to breathe. Had the traffic not been so busy along Goucher Boulevard, he undoubtedly would have kept running, straight across the street and up along the quiet street on the other side until he passed out. Were they still close behind? Had they given up? Or had they not seen him at all? He couldn’t get her eyes out of his mind–eyes struck with terror as she pleaded for her life on the very trail he walked nearly every day. Two older girls had stood over the other, their backs to Seth. His natural instinct was to help, of course. To break up whatever little ritual was going on and save the girl. But the sun seeped through the thinning trees and found the knife’s blade. The taller of the two played with it behind her back, balancing it loosely between two fingers as if it were nothing more than a twig picked up along the way. Seth had gasped, and when the pleading girl’s eyes dropped to his, he ran. Now, as he looked back along Squires Road to the gates at Goucher’s back entrance, he wondered if it was too late to save her. He turned back to the busy boulevard. The traffic had ceased between lights, and he had a clean shot of making it to the other side. His life or hers? He took a deep breath, stood tall, and acted on his decision–one that ultimately would change his life forever.

3. 7:31 p.m. We have just left Cafe Hon and are on our way to Fell’s Point. We exit 83 South and sit at the traffic light, waiting to turn left on to Eastern Avenue. On the far left corner is an office building, dark with just two rooms on the third floor that remain dimly lit. A silhouette of a thin woman moves about, heading toward the second, adjoining room. The light turns green, and we head to our final destination, Mr. Yogato’s.

Rose lay on the couch. The cool cloth she had placed on her forehead an hour ago was now barely damp and fixed at room temperature. Her head still pounded, the anxiety never abating since she read his status update on Facebook: “Back in B-more to get what’s mine.” She did not know where to go, what to do. He would first go back to the house to find her. She was sure of that, especially with it getting dark so early. And he would most likely wait there until she came home. Probably inside. She never thought it necessary to change the locks. Now, inside the office where she was a corporate hero for Bergen and Brown Associates, the fear of her past finally caught up with her, and she could feel the safety of her last haven on earth slipping away, out of her control, and into the hands of a man she swore she would never see again. She slides her legs off the couch and sits up, the blood rushing from her head, and she feels dizzy. She stands and heads to the sink to cool her cloth one more time, when she hears the doorknob to the adjoining office rattle. She freezes, listens intently to the sounds through the thin walls, and hears the faint whisper. “Ro-ose. . . .” It is her ex-husband, and he has found her. Trapped in the corner office on the third floor of Bergen and Brown, she is no longer a hero to anybody. She moves toward the door, stops at the supply drawer and removes a letter opener. In many ways she feels sorry for him. His last status update on Facebook will need to be updated soon that he got what he deserved, and she can’t, to save her own life, think of what it might be. . . .

Which do YOU think I should finish?

A fellow writer and I have been responding, in words, to particular works of art. She chose “Rain Princess,” by Leonid Afremov, and I thought I’d share my response with all of you. The point of the exercise was to compose a 500-word “flash” draft, capturing your immediate impression of the piece. I must confess, I found this work of art so breathtaking that the words did not come immediately. When they did, however, I wrote rather madly. Here is the first, and only, draft. Enjoy…

Colour my world, I think, of watercolors red, blue, green, and yellow. Colour my world of half-intended images that hold up more brightly in their reflections than in their reality. Colour my world with the hues you bring on this rainy day, this moment of retrospection as we all see the beauty in life, even without the sun.

I find myself in the puddles of colors that mix in ripples all around your feet. I am happiest here, where I do not stand out as one red, one blue, one green yellow or black. In these shallow waters I am happy, a dewy canvas that captures the essence of each color, each life above and around me.

These moments, though, do not last. When the rain princess leaves and the crowd disperses, dark clouds above shift my hues to  greys and dirty whites, where I find my dwindled strength in nothing more than monochromes of memories of what once was.

I do not wish to live such a monochromatic, monastic life devoid of experiences with you and the world. Rather I bathe in the hues of you, and you, and you until I am once again a canvas-burning-brightly in the light of your love.

She dips gracefully to me and waves her delicate hand through the colors, ripples of green red and blue find their way to others, bringing colours and life and love to those dressed in grey.

They, they cup the colours of love in small fragile hands and drink the rainbow elixir we have made as one. The swirling of you and me and we in the nectar that sustains us all. They drink, they sip, they bathe in colours as they fill their souls, their hearts with blended love, so radiant that others begin to notice, to gather, until they, too…

They, too comprise a world of yellows and blues, prismatic in their welcome as they surround, reflect, and create a new you and me as we ripple on to new venues, some distant and longing for a release of their monochromatic menu.

It is all we can do in these days of rain: seek out the colours of the world and wrap ourselves boldly, warmly in all that we have to give one another.

Stand in the rain and let the greens, reds, and blues flow in and around us, twirl our umbrellas while hue-filled raindrops spin like fairies, iridescent and wondrous, and shower us with prisms of love.

It is not enough for us to wait in the rain for the princesses to come; we must stand, live our lives, trip the light fantastic as we dance our way along the storied canvases of our lives.

To bathe and dance and sing in the hues of life, of love, is all we can ever do in lifetimes eclips’d  by tragedy and sorrow. We cannot turn our black-white backs to the Rain Princess now, or ever again: with her, we marry our colours and paint these days, these wonderful, wondrous ways, with the simple strokes of lives lived with love.

A few days ago, one of my students, Jenna, posted a video on facebook that she made in my class while I was meeting with underclassmen. It’s not that it’s a great video–it is. But more than that, it’s that she had so much fun shooting the film and then editing it to music.

Jenna’s so good at this. She shoots/posts video all the time, and she is so comfortable with being in front of the camera and editing the footage, the videos she produces are as much about her happiness and comfort in creating them as they are about the final 3-minute product she posts on Facebook or elsewhere.

Before Jenna, there were others just as inspiring. Mike and Kendall, former students who graduated years ago, are really putting together some polished, professional works about biking, snowboarding, and other things, I am sure. You can see Mike and Kendall’s latest video here.

Jenna, Mike, Kendall and others are so inspiring to me in the world of video–a world that, for some reason, I have not spent much time exploring. For those of you who know me and my passion for all things artistic, especially related to photography, you would think that I would have started doing this a little earlier.

It’s a mystery to me as well. My generation was raised on MTV, but not me. How crazy is it that I cannot think of a single music video that I’ve ever seen in its entirety.

I know. Weird.

Maybe still-life was more my speed back in the 80s. I remember buying my first SLR, a Minolta X-570 that I loved like my own child. When it was stolen a few years later, I used the insurance money to go with Nikon. I bought a 6006 that is now in the hands of another Jenna, a brilliant photographer whom I admire greatly.

I took my photography pretty seriously back in the late 80s and early 90s, winning a few competitions and landing some pretty inspiring shoots around the state. I miss Tracey and Chris, my photog partners in crime. I hope they are both well….

I joined the digital dark side a few years ago, using the school’s Nikon D70s, a great digital SLR camera that goes beyond the glorified point-and-shoot settings and lets you take control of your photography. Shooting with the digital SLRs rekindled my passion for photography. . . .

So: This June, when I get my stipend check, I’m jumping off the digital cliffs and purchasing my own Nikon D300, along with a few high-end lenses. Look for some of those photo shoots to be featured here this summer.

But all that brings me back to shooting video. I don’t know why I’ve never taken that leap…No matter. I am now.

I thank Jenna J, Mike, Kendall, and others for providing the inspiration that I find today to shoot my first short video (am I still allowed to call them short films? Or is that now, um, lame?). After I get the raw footage back home, I’ll learn how to import it into iMovie and see what I can come up with. Whatever I do, I’ll post it both here and on Facebook.

No promises, except for one: I’m sure to have as much fun shooting today as I’ve had with Tracey and Chris so many years ago on our photo shoots.

Enjoy the day everyone, wherever you are!

It’s not about what they’re playing; it’s about the fact that there’s a station that dips back into my high school and college days, happy days that I spent with so many good people and had so many good times.

It’s also about the nice engagement that’s going on with Facebook, where I’m reuniting with many of these good people and catching up on our lives, where somehow most of us made it through, relatively unscathed, and managed to settle down and build little family empires.

To be honest, it’s a blessing to be this age and this alive at this time in our history. Never before has it been possible to blend the past and the present so seamlessly, both technologically and in person, to create a clearer picture of who we are and how, although we have evolved into moms, dads, and specialists, so much of our true personality has not changed in that evolution.

All of this puts life in a more appreciative perspective for me. And by “life,” I mean that world that is bigger than my communities that include Facebook, text messages, email, chatrooms, IM, and even phone conversations.

I’ve somehow managed to appreciate the unplugged parts of my life even more.

I had to teach last night at Towson U, a very small class of students fulfilling their University requirement for an English course. Before I had to rush to find a parking space near Stephens Hall, I spent an hour with my family at our elementary school, trying to stay warm as the kids took turns flying down the snow-covered hills.

Seeing them–hearing their screams of fear and delight as they soared down the snowy hills, I felt like I was 10 again, playing in the snow with my sister and all of our neighborhood friends and their families. The Johnsons, Moudrys, Shanahans, Queens, and Birkmaeiers were all out there with us, turning a hilly street into an Olympic-like sledding track that looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Back at Cromwell. As my own kids communed with their friends (we met a few families–rather serendipitously–from our pool), I enjoyed slipping into an appreciative state, observing the beauty of the snow on the trees along the horizon, the distant echos of children making their own memories as they high-fived at the bottom of the hill, the taste of an air filled with fresh-fallen snow, and the clean feel of the breeze brushing over my cheeks.

All of this blended into a gracious appreciation for the timeless joy of playing in the snow, the reconnections with old friends, and the awareness of love flowing through these decades. I remember when AOL was first on the radar, and we all jumped on it like it was that great, undiscovered world we never believed possible. It consumed our lives, just as the World Wide Web did when it was emerging in the early-to-mid nineties. It was a period of great imbalance; many of us became lost in that seemingly endless web of information and entertainment. We were addicted to sitting in our chairs, in front of our 14-inch monitors, believing that it just could not get any better than this.

But we know better now. We use our time online more efficiently now, thanks to social online groups like Facebook and Ning. We reconnect, reflect, and share our most immediate, and sometimes inane, updates of what we are doing. We even use our phones to stay connected to these communities. But we are getting out more again, re-emerging from our techno-cocoons, and returning to the unplugged worlds that we remember just before the birth of MTV. It’s not necessarily a return to innocence as much as it is a return to how all of this started for us 30, 40, and even 50 years ago.

We get the chance to do what no other generation before us has been able to do: embrace the relatively new technology as a means of blending the Then with the Now, yet with the appreciation and the giddiness that comes with having something that wasn’t available to us when we were younger.

Times are tough for all of us with the changes this world is going through. But at least I feel like we’ve got the chance to get through it with a younger heart, a brighter mind, and an appreciation for the things that matter most in this world.

I don’t mean to get all wizard-of-ozzy on you, but I guess I had to leave home a little to realize just how good–and important–it is for me to be here.

If you got to my blog by first visiting my home page (which used to be my old URL for my blog–rusvw.net), you read (I hope) my opening statement about the importance of writing for an audience. This is the primary reason why I have returned.

I hope to open my blog up to reveal a more candid me. So much of my life is defined by me being a role model, whether that is to my own kids or the students I teach. But I think we get too hung up on that term “model” to be polished, perfect, without blemish. We can be role models and still express fear, anger, and sadness. We can still cry at funerals for our former students, as I did just a few weeks ago, and we can question the politics of McCain, Obama, Palin, and Biden. We can share our weaknesses and shout out our frustrations. We can do all of that as role models because we are human.

As Dumbledore says to Harry, though, it’s what we do with our abilities that makes all the difference. In this case, it’s how we choose to respond to those expressions of fear, anger, and sadness. It’s how we handle the outrage at the death of a student. It’s how we present our political arguments that makes all the difference in the world.

So I’m not here to rant without good cause or cry without sound sorrow. But I am here to be more genuine, and I hope that’s what I’ll be able to bring you in the posts to come.

Thanks to all for hanging in there with me. It’s good to be back. I hope this time it’s for good.

I suddenly have the urge to post HOURLY!!!! I finally feel like I have a place on the net that’s truly me.

Thanks, Heather! You are the absolute best!