rus vanwestervelt

The Single Moment Holds Infinite Possibilities

Archive for the ‘Blessings’ Category

August 9th, 2012 by rusvw

Put Yourself First To Be Selfless

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Put YOURSELF first to be selfLESS? Such a contradiction, right? I mean, it goes against everything that we’ve been taught.

How HORRIBLE of you to think of yourself first! Do you realize how much more helpful you could be if you devoted more time to others? Instead of taking that run, or working on that project, you could be helping others in greater need than yourself.

Right?

I got fired up about this yesterday as I was listening to my brother-in-law’s interview down in Tampa about Caregiving (he’s written a book about it, and even has a great website; I’ve placed the promo video at the end of this post for you to get a better idea of the power of love that he shares with my sister). Well into the interview, the radio host asks him to talk about some caregiver tips (he’s got 70 great ones in the book), and the tip he shares is that caregivers have to take care of themselves. He then goes one step further and says that, even before the caregiver takes care of the patient, s/he has to take care of him/herself FIRST.

First! I couldn’t believe he said that on the radio, as the sole purpose of caregiving was to be there for the patient, first and foremost.

But after thinking about it for a few hours, it started to really make sense to me. How in the world can I take care of another individual, if I don’t first take care of myself? In the end, is it worth it if the caregiver falls ill from such personal neglect? ONE- where does that help the patient? and TWO- nobody asked you to sacrifice your life for that person.

I’m just 10 days away from my next 5K, and when I went on my run today (after not running for a few days), I realized how out of sync I had become in those days that I did not run. I neglected myself, and my mood dipped, I couldn’t be there for my kids like I had been just a week ago, and I started feeling less confident, insecure, and self-doubting about a lot of issues. Talk about HORRIBLE!

One run, though — one hour to take care of myself — and everything is rebooted. I feel great, my social interactions with my family have improved immediately, and I’m looking forward to working harder on a few projects that I’m in the middle of creating.

Why did I not run those last few days?

It’s a contagious, flesh-eating monster, I tell you. For all of you Little Shop Of Horrors fans out there, it was feeding Audrey II, and the more I did NOT take care of myself, the happier and bigger that monster got. The negativity, the diminishing effort to accomplish my goals, the stronger desire to eat more, work less…. Yeah, Audrey II was being fed a bunch of soul-sucking trash that was making me feel absolutely worthless.

The reason why I didn’t run is because I had “other things to do” that were creative in nature. I rationalized and said that this was BALANCE, this was feeding the muse, this was satisfying both the spiritual and the physical.

My daughter scoops less manure when mucking the stalls every weekend when she is at the farm.

Bottom line: If your workload is too much that you can’t take time out for yourself, then your workload is too heavy, and you got to cut something out. Simple as that. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is more important to you than keeping in shape, taking good care of yourself, and staying on top of YOUR game, whatever that game might be.

Then, and only then, can you truly be selfless for others. Only then can you be there when they need you, and in ways that don’t make you feel like you are sacrificing your life for theirs. It’s not about that folks. Never was, and never will be.

This is YOUR life. Love it. Live it. Give it.

No excuses!

Ok– Here’s the video promoting my brother-in-law’s book. It’s bigger than that, though. You’ll see. Music is by the wonderfully talented Pattie Lin. Pattie, you are the best.

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Posted in Blessings, fitness/health/nutrition, love, The Secret, videos | No Comments »

June 13th, 2012 by rusvw

Sixteen Wishes for My 16-Year-Old Daughter

On the occasion of my daughter’s sixteenth birthday, I decided to pen 16 wishes for her that, I hope, she will keep close to her in the years to come.

Enjoy. Please feel free to share, if you wish….

To Holland: My sixteen wishes for you, on your sixteenth birthday.

1. That nobody or no thing shall ever persuade you to be anybody but yourself.

2. That you always know and remember that unconditional love exists – from us as your parents, and ultimately from your higher spirit that you recognize and embrace as the light along your path.

3. That you shall continue to provide good will toward others – and without expectation or the need for reciprocation.

4. That you shall find love that cherishes you for who you are, and not for who another might want you to be.

5. That you always remember that you are not alone.

6. That you always cherish the beauty in the present, and know there is treasure all around, all the time.

7. That you never forget that your life matters – sometimes in ways that we were never meant to understand or even know, if we ever realize it at all.

8. That you know our knowledge and our wisdom come not from the books we read but from the experiences we have thereafter.

9. That you remember that the roads you take in life are not supposed to be paved – the blazing of the trail is what makes it yours, and yours alone.

10. That you recognize that along the way people will attack, will belittle, will redefine meanness and cruelty. But you will always be better than that. And the problem will always rest with them – not you. Stand tall, stand confident, and have an unwavering belief in yourself.

11. That you have no regrets. We make the best choices that seem possible, and life moves on. To know how a different choice might have played out is simply impossible. The dreams of what might have been are never as good as the reality of the present, the only thing you know for sure.

12. That you have fun, and remember that having fun is not a crime, not something you do when everything else is “taken care of.” Fun is embedded in every moment. Find it and live it – and without regret or guilt.

13. That you know that, in troubled moments, stillness is the best remedy to provide clarity and understanding. It is in this stillness that you remember the simplicity in a single breath – filled with peace and resolution, life and love – and all for you, all the time.

14. That you remember that beauty lies in simplicity, where opportunities for clarity and possibility remain wide open to give, to receive, and to give again.

15. That you realize that perfect balance is, in many ways, an illusion. We are constantly tempted to stray from our beliefs and from who we are. These wobbles and periodic falls are temporary. The only path back to balance is to return to who you are – the true and authentic self.

16. That you always, always remember that love is, above all, the essence of our existence. And unconditional love for others is possible when we love ourselves first. It is through this self-love that we can truly be selfless in our thoughts and in our actions.

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April 8th, 2012 by rusvw

The Sweetness of Solitude

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have struggled, lately, to follow Emerson’s advice. I guess I let the world around me — especially the social media world — derail my focus that keeps me centered in solitude while immersed in the big crowd. I had to leave that crowd for a week to regroup, gather some strength, and resurface.

I don’t see anything wrong with that. I think we need to take a walkabout every now and then to find that focus again. It’s easy to be so derailed in the mind-blowing speed of the world that now whips around us.

I am blessed to have a friend who never ceases to provide a balanced dose of wisdom when I need it the most. Last week, as we were doing a ten-mile bike ride on the NCR Trail in northern Baltimore County, I was explaining to Trina why I deactivated my Facebook account.

“I needed to find that balance, Trina. I needed to get back to that core, that center and refocus.”

She didn’t respond immediately, but when she finally spoke, her words nearly made me steer completely off the trail and into the muddy trenches.

“Finding balance is not always a 50-50 thing. You just have to find the right percentages of the different things in your life that create that balance within you.”

Such simple advice, yet so very profound.

I don’t need to remove parts of my life that are causing me stress or concern; I need to evaluate how much I have allowed those things to permeate my every move. Social media is a perfect example. I realized, just in one week, how important my friends are to me online, and how essential those connections are for the work I am doing with Lines of Love, the fight against bullying, and the promotion of peace and living life fully.

Despite my efforts — even in one week — to do that without social media seemed like the worst exercise in futility I could ever attempt.

And so I am back, with my tail tucked a little between my legs, for being so dramatic with my parting. But at that time, I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t find that anchor to pull me out of that frustration, so I gave up and gave in.

This message to me is much bigger than social media, too. I am overwhelmed by the travesties and tragedies on our planet, taking place every single day. Yet, I choose to stay in the game, fighting back with love and faith. I must do the same thing online — have the same understanding that, in the not-so-little world of online social networking, the same travesties and tragedies are happening.

By giving in, by giving up, I am giving them the satisfaction (indirectly so) that they got to me. They pushed me away. And in that, they gained some strength.

I won’t give them that satisfaction. And I hope you won’t either. We cannot run from the hardest challenges we face; we must greet them and defeat them with the same loving kindness that nurtured us when we were newborns.

We must keep with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude as we live in this world, real or virtual (are they even that different anymore?).

And to do that, we need to be together, we need to unite, we need to run into — and not away from — the challenges we face.

All this, and with a happy heart to embrace life fully and with peace toward ourselves as well as toward others.

 

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Posted in Blessings | 1 Comment »

March 20th, 2012 by rusvw

First Day of Spring Brings Melancholy, Faith in Flowers

On this first day of the vernal equinox, I find myself caught between the stunning and brilliant images of early spring (in some ways, this week has been as colorful as autumn’s peak late last October) and the heavy heart I carry for the loss of loved ones in springtime.

Just a few days ago, the ten-year anniversary of a good friend’s passing, Donnon (We bid you goodnight, good friend), kicked off the season for me, with upcoming anniversaries of the deaths of my own parents, as well as my wife’s and the “second sets” of parents whom I spent so much time, in April, May, and June. Eight deaths in a 3-month span.

That’s why this is so hard for me. Outside, there is faith in the flowers, the blossoming of a new season, and the promise of rebounding life and love once again. Inside my heart, though, I feel deeply in touch with those whom I have had to say goodbye in these same spring-like days.

So now, on this very very specific day of Spring’s arrival, it is also the birthday of a wonderful individual I never knew: Jennifer Cakert. Jennifer, like Donnon, died at a very young age. She passed away nearly six years ago (another passing in June), and yet, her spirit and energy still remain deeply within me, just like Donnon’s.

It is inexplicable. And yet, I do not question it. There is chi here that, for whatever reason, drives me to do many of the things I do.

On the one-year anniversary of Jennifer’s death, I wrote a memorial to her on my blog that, for reasons I cannot even begin to comprehend, is so very serendipitous of the events that are coming up in the next few months. After rereading this blog, she shares a birthday with another individual whom I have never met, yet who may play a key role in helping donate some of my photos for the upcoming Jan-Ai Scholarship Event in October.

I am absolutely convinced that the Universe provides opportunities for healing, for love, for guidance and for faith. These passings, these anniversaries, these birthdays, they have all fallen at a time of year of rebirth, of renewal, of life and hope and love springing eternal.

I have faith in a seed. I have faith in the blossoming buds on the dogwoods, the cherry blossoms, and the magnolias.

But most of all, I have faith in the love in my heart from the passing of loved ones, the kindness and energy of those I have never met, and the belief that something greater exists beyond these very thoughts and emotions.

I have faith. I believe. I love. You.

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Posted in Blessings, Memorials | No Comments »

March 3rd, 2012 by rusvw

47: Oh, The Things I’ve Learned…

Today is my 47th birthday.  I have been blessed with 17,166 days — opportunities — to experience and share life and love in this world. When I reflect on the lives lost in those 47 years — friends, family, students, mentors, I cannot be too grateful to be here today, to use this moment and this opportunity to cherish all that is before me.

17,166. That’s a lot of opportunities to embrace life.

So, on this 17,166th day, I share some of the things I’ve learned along the way (10, to be exact; it seemed more reasonable than sharing 17,166 things–or even 47–that I have learned…). Some are deep, and some defy gravity. Please join me in celebrating this day by adding to the list. What have you learned along your journey so far?

  1. This moment is the only sure thing. Joan Didion, in The Year of Magical Thinking, shared her journey following the sudden death of her husband in their kitchen in the middle of chopping vegetables for dinner. In her book, she writes, “Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.” I do not need to look to tomorrow or back at yesterday to find my peace. It is right here, right in this very moment.
  2. Nature provides infinite energy. There’s chi — energy — in nature that we rarely take the time to tap into. And yet, what it offers us is unlimited strength balanced with graceful humility. We need to spend more time outside and less time in our heads.
  3. Finding our muse means discovering unlimited energy. I have learned that our muse contains a limitless supply of energy and spirit. Every time we write, sketch, paint, sing… we tap into something greater than our little minds. We bypass thought and enter a higher realm of spiritual possibility. Why is it unlimited? Because we will never be able to capture something that is so much greater than we will ever be able to comprehend… Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Blessings, love, Nature, the spiritual | No Comments »

February 25th, 2012 by rusvw

Reflections On This New Day

As the sun began to rise this morning, and I sat along the banks of the Loch Raven Reservoir taking random photos of the water and the wildlife, I was struck with a thought that I had forgotten long ago.

With the exception of a few runners passing by who were training for an upcoming race, I felt as if every image, every sound was my own. My immersion in the natural world seemed seamless. I let the bright, early rays of the sun find their way in and through me, as well as the sounds of the splish-splash waters, where drops remained suspended in mid-air, caught by the strong winds as several Canadian geese took flight. Then– to feel those very drops of water as that same steady breeze, cool and brisk, blew my way and mixed with the warmth of the sun’s intensity on my skin.

Alive, was all I could think. Alive.

It was in that moment that I remembered that I am not separate from all of this. It is easy for us to think there are two worlds out there: the natural and the man-made. Although it may be true that a clear distinction exists between the two, there is one element of each that is constant: the human being.

Unlike our man-made creations, we as individuals are not separate from the natural world. We are as much a part of it as the rising sun, the startled deer, the daffodils that have all awakened a bit early in these deceptively warm February days. We made the mistake long ago to separate ourselves from the beauty and the spirit of the natural world. On mornings like this, I feel reconnected to the energy we are all provided.

It’s always here, everywhere, for us to access. All we need to do is realize that we have the power and the opportunity to open the door, step outside, and realize that, in this morning, this moment, anything is possible.

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Posted in Blessings, Maryland Outdoors, Nature, Photography | No Comments »

November 29th, 2010 by rusvw

Black Friday and Cyber Monday–No Thanks

Greetings, all:
Since yesterday, I have received 11 Cyber Monday emails from three companies alone. The blitz to get my e-business is frantic, desperate, and embarrassing.
My wife and I did not participate in any Black Friday sales, nor did we shop at all this weekend in any stores or online. We spent the time outdoors, walking the trails nearby with our children or working at our daughter’s farm for one of the higher-level competitive shows. We were fortunate to be given four days off during the Thanksgiving break, and we were determined to spend them with each other and not fighting with strangers about toys or boots.
Not that we were able to escape the insanity entirely. Just being on the roads put us in the trenches with desperate individuals determined to be the most important person on the road during this most selfless time of the year. I felt more like a defender in an NFL game than a simple driver heading out to our local park.
Unfortunately, I know this isn’t going to get any better as we creep closer to the end of December. The roads will become even more dangerous, and the levels of rudeness and disrespect will continue to shock many of us.
But it’s not my place to teach any of them a lesson, nor is it anybody else’s right to “show them” who’s right or who’s wrong. I can’t imagine a single one of them stopping, reflecting, and adjusting their attitude or behavior because I honked my horn, flipped them a choice finger, and used my Jeep as a defensive weapon. Any of those things will only escalate the battle, and I will be just like them, engaging in a ridiculous battle of selfish emotions over the temporary ownership of a driving lane or a parking space.
Really–it’s just not worth it.
Aren’t these signs of how the significance of the holidays has shifted from friends, family, relationships, and religious celebrations to nothing more than getting and spending, getting and spending?
Very sadly, there is little difference between how the colleges manipulate the high school experience and how stores manipulate the holiday experience. We are being manipulated by higher powers that have nothing to do with learning, God, spirituality, or even ourselves. Our opportunities to resist such manipulations are harder and harder to find each year.
Or are they?
We told our kids we’re scaling back the quantity of gifts this year, and they’re okay with it. Our time spent together this weekend had nothing to do with spending money or getting things, and it was one of the best weekends we’ve shared as a family in a long time. My kids have even decided that the best gifts they can give this year are the ones they can make. It isn’t coincidental that, in light of such decisions, our personal relationships are improving because we are focused not on getting and spending, but on giving and cherishing.
Giving and cherishing…Isn’t that what all this was about in the first place?
If you got your great deals this weekend, and even if you are spending the day online during Cyber Monday, do it quickly, get it over with, and stop at the store on the way home to get some sugar, flour, butter, and chocolate chips. Help the kids with their homework, and end the night baking some cookies with them.
You know as well as I do that, in 20 years from now, they’ll remember making those cookies more than anything they might find under the tree this year, or any other year for that matter.

Posted in Blessings | 1 Comment »

August 28th, 2010 by rusvw

Flowing with Van Gogh

I was struck this morning by the satellite image of the three storms brewing in the Atlantic Ocean. The National Hurricane Center is predicting an above-average likelihood for storms to hit the east coast this year, making the stretch between North Carolina and Massachusetts as likely to get hit as Florida or the other Gulf Coast states.

Seeing this image reminded me immediately of Van Gogh’s Starry Night. It doesn’t take a trained eye to see the similarities.

Some things are timeless, aren’t they? Take away the cell phones and iPads and Facebook and Skype, and you are left with a certain kindred spirit shared with Nature. It’s in us, all the time, waiting to be tapped, accessed, embraced.

Now, I’m fairly sure that Vincent didn’t have some kind of psychical experience with the Hurricane Center, tapping into some yet-to-fly satellites capturing the swirling beauty of the giants in our oceans. No. He probably wasn’t event thinking about hurricanes at all.

But the patterns are apparent in all of nature — the whirls and swirls of the winds, the rains, the energy and spirit running like a meandering current around rocks and banks and all things between.

It’s a universal image, when we stop long enough to see it. Maybe even feel it, too.

School starts up for me on Monday. I resume teaching English 12 Honors after a five-year hiatus, and at times I have let the needs overwhelm me. It is at these times that I feel like it’s me against some other force — time, perhaps. Maybe that won’t-go-away pressure to be perfect all the time.

What will they think if they walk into my room and things don’t look polished and positively sterile?

They’ll probably think that things are as they have always been, for sure.

That’s why I am grateful that I am keeping at least a small channel open in my mind to see the beauty in things like a weather map so that it may serve as a reminder to me, in some way, that I can’t fight or resist; I can only recognize the natural patterns surrounding me, then make a decision about whether to Flow or Go.

That’s all any of us can do. Everything else breeds resistance and resentment, and none of us has the time to waste on such nonsense.

Stop, feel the whirls and swirls around you, and act: Flow or Go?

Suddenly, your life will never be the same. . . .

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Posted in Blessings, Nature, Teaching | 1 Comment »

June 13th, 2010 by rusvw

It’s all coming back…

Really, it is.

Your provide a little space in your life, some breathing room, some opportunity for clarity, and the reason why we’re here presents itself….clearly.

I’ve spent most of the weekend NOT running here or there, grading this or that, but rather reading, writing, biking, spending time with old friends, family, and some new friends that I’m looking forward to seeing again soon. As James Taylor offers in his song, “That Lonesome Road,” I’ve taken the time to close my mouth and open my eyes, to cool my head and warm my heart.

The difference between the song and me is that I’m doing it now, before it’s too late.

I was lucky to get through these last few years relatively unscathed. I put my body through unrelenting challenges, and I know that I have suffered for it. I am grateful for the chance to do all that I’ve done, but really–there’s no need to put myself or my body through that kind of punishment ever again.

So I write to you tonight, on a late Sunday evening, with the air conditioner blowing coolly on me to wick away the beads of sweat that had formed on my face. I write to you with a prayer, a wish, a hope that you, too, will slow down. open your eyes, warm your heart, and live genuinely and peacefully. It’s not too late.

I have a lot of work to do in rebooting my health, but I know that it’s possible. Thank God for these moments of clarity.

Now…To stay close to the center and hold on to it–

I’m ready.

Posted in Blessings, fitness/health/nutrition | No Comments »

September 13th, 2009 by rusvw

Sunday Prayers

mantis 1

Good Sunday, everyone.

A few days ago, I arrived home and was greeted by my screaming son, who wanted to know if I saw the praying mantis outside. I told him that I did not, and just as quickly as he told me all about the green-brown bug standing sentry by the front door. he vanished and resumed playing with his sister.

It wasn’t until we were ready to head out for dinner when he remembered about the bug by the door. He eagerly awaited the chance to run outside and check to see if he was still there. To my surprise, he was.

The praying mantis is such a good subject to photograph because they are amazingly still (much like the great blue heron I shot in yesterday’s post). I did not enlarge this photo at all. He was positioned and poised beautifully, and I felt like I had all the time in the world to get this shot (and a few others, which I will post at another time).

But that’s it, right? Positioned and poised beautifully. Stillness. Taking the time to savor even a few of the many moments in our hectic lives.

On this Sunday, may we all make the time to position ourselves with beautiful poise. The rest of the day may very well be filled with moments enriched with greater love.

Posted in Blessings, Nature | 2 Comments »

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